Reframing BDSM

Comments · 582 Views

Certainly, cuffed hands resting on a well rounded, lingerie bedecked booty is a delight for the eyes, however the essence of such photo isn’t the sex or sexuality of it -- the essence of such photos is the mutual trust that allowed for such a photo to be taken

Welcome to the world of BDSM! It’s full of titillating adventures, sensual debauchery, and all sorts of exotic delights! It’s a realm waiting for your sexplorations and dark fantas-- PAUSE!

When folks talk about BDSM (at least in the USA), most bring up the 50 Shades books; explain that BDSM stands for Bondage/Disciple, Dominance/submission, Sadism/Masochism; and mention FetLife as a website to sign up on and use to seek out folks in their area who have shared fetishes and kinks. But if I may gently prod:

What are folks actually understanding BDSM to be?

A vast number of introductory articles about BDSM talk about the anacronym; how BDSM is erotic, sexual adult play; that consent, safe words are important to help ensure people are comfortable exploring their erotic, sexual adult play; and include sensual or suggestive photos of nubile bodies with cuffed hands and incredibly well manicured nails (anyone else ever notice how well done the nails are in those pictures?) or a well rounded, lingerie decorated booty.

This is all well and good, however, the stress on these articles is most often on sex, arosal, and sexual exploration, and our general populations understanding of sex and sexuality is incredibly lacking. Why in the world are we using something that is already lacking in understanding to explain something else?

If anything, we should be introducing BDSM like a sport, and explaining that BDSM is about sportsmanship.  


Consider:

A sport, by definition, is “a game, competition, or activity needing physical effort and skill that is played or done according to rules, for enjoyment and/or as a job” or “all types of physical activity that people do to keep healthy or for enjoyment” (as per CambridgeDictionary.com).

Sportsmanship (as per CambridgeDictionary.com) is “behavior in sports that is fair and shows respect to the other players” or “the quality of showing fairness, respect, and generosity toward the opposing team or player and for the sport itself when competing”.

While most might not initially consider BDSM as a sport, by the above definition, it most certainly qualifies: activities that typically occur within BDSM spaces are most certainly games, playful competitions, or activities that need physical effort and skill; are likewise are done according to rules (negotiations and, or limitations of anatomy, physics); and most certainly done for enjoyment. And when we state engaging in BDSM requires sportsmanship, well, we just outlined the most basic tenets of a good, healthy play space: respect, fairness, and generosity towards all in the space.

Certainly, cuffed hands resting on a well rounded, lingerie bedecked booty is a delight for the eyes, however the essence of such photo isn’t the sex or sexuality of it -- the essence of such photos is the mutual trust that allowed for such a photo to be taken; the sportsmanship between the parties that decided to engage in the sport of BDSM. 

Comments
Master SmuttyFier 2 yrs

Great article! Congrats! 💪